I am not sure how to start this post, but I suppose I can say that I am so tired of being where I am. Not even just physically here, but emotionally so. I always seem to find myself looking at something unavailable and it has drained me for years. I guess the only difference this time is how perfect it would be to have ( Read more... )

This weekend has been an eye opener. Internally I may be whole again. I may be more myself and who I am now than ever... but I still have a few fundamental things I need to repair. It is time I stopped having an unresponsive body and found the way to create proper communication between it and my mind. I have no idea where to start with this one, ( Read more... )

She comes to me now, in my hour of deepest desire...

To give in is to gamble against very stacked odds.

Starving... Must feed... Arrgh...

~Important realizations~

"You two are more alike than you know. It'll do you both a lot of good to become close. I forged a link between you; now it is time to put it to use."She always told me that I was dangerous. Her words were, "You're like driving dangerously, everything is good until it's not". She saw it sooner than I did, but I did tell ( Read more... )

She held out her hand and invited me to take it. I froze. To most that may seem normal, but I have never been one to hesitate. So why did it stop me dead in my tracks?

I know I missed a big chance there, I felt the world change when I didn't. I am sure there will be more moments like that, but I am certainly a bit upset with myself right now.

Tonight marks the first night that I intentionally fed. It has always been something of who I am. A part of me I have mostly denied. I sustained myself for years with the subtle consumption of those emotions. It was reflexive then... Now... I am different. Now I am more myself than I have ever been ( Read more... )

Funny, I said to you before that I might salvage something at the bottom of the pit you left me in... Well, the time has come for me to savor the treasure that I found. With it I plan to beat you in a completely different way and I do not think there is much you can do to stop it ( Read more... )

A gift from my past?
The bittersweet memories...
Afraid to be me.

Sometimes it amazes me just how suddenly a shift in my mindset can change everything around me. It is time I stop holding myself back from who I am and so I will sink into the darkness that is within me. I'll take the strength I find there and use it to burn a path to push forward on ( Read more... )

I wish I could sit here and say that what I told her last night was exaggerated. To tell you that I am not really that far down in the pits... However I must admit that I was being quite literal with what I said ( Read more... )